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Twenty years. ——————————————— When I think back to my sixteen year old self, I think about all that I had hoped for in the coming years. Music school. Growing as a singer. Marriage. Babies. Helping people in some way with my music. Hopefully living a life honoring to God. A simple, yet (hopefully) an exciting life. If someone would have shared what those next twenty years were actually going to entail, I would never have believed them both good and bad. Buckle up sweetheart. Grief wasn’t in the plan. Waiting years and years and years for my life to take off wasn’t really apart of it either. Several failed relationships certainly wasn’t written in my dream book. Addiction sucking the life out of my loved ones. Suicide. Abuse. Then there were the jobs that didn’t work out, and the many musical projects that never fully took off. There was a season of such deep rooted grief and abandonment where leadership failed me on top of various ministries that took advantage of my gift while ignoring my aching, bleeding heart. Now let’s move on to the twenty years of dating. Excuse me Lord— when was THIS ever in the plan?? Can we talk about the constant ache of watching my friends continuously marry their partners and have families, while still not having either of my own? Whew. This was not for the faint of heart. You see, sixteen year old me had no idea what was in store. But what thirty six year old me knows now, is that even though I wouldn’t walk back down some of those painful roads again, I’m so thankful that God has given me the healing gift of perspective. What I know now is a deeper understanding of what it means to grieve alongside of others. What it means to wait (even kicking and screaming) amidst the unknown. What holding onto hope feels like even in the middle of hell. Did God, “put me through it”? Or did God “Give me those battles because He knew I could handle it?” No, I don’t believe that. Many of these years were a result of my own choices and those I affiliated with. But what God did do is walk with me through it, which has led me to see the world differently. These last twenty years weren’t what I had planned. And today, I never thought I would be where I am now. But the beauty of it all is that my story, with as many broken pieces as there has been, has created someone that I am proud of. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still got wounds. But I’m on my way. I have achieved more than I thought possible. And I have learned that when you’re not looking for love in a place of desperation, you will learn to not settle for anything less than a powerful alignment with someone that is rooted deeply in the their values, dreams, and loving you with their full heart. The more work you do, the more you heal. The more you strive to break generational wounds and unhealthy patterns, it will cause you to level up on choosing a life partner and sometimes that means— you got it— waiting. I guess what I’m trying to say is embrace the path you’re on. Learn from your pain. Let go of the life you wished for and start building the one you want now. Because the right partner, and the right opportunities will come along with it, and it will be even more beautiful than what you had planned. I may not have the “normal” life or have done things in the order that most people have, but what I do have is a story of second, third and fourth chances that has brought me to such a beautiful place. What I do know is that God will work in your favor regardless of what others have spoken over your life. Embrace the abnormal— because sometimes that’s exactly what makes you, YOU. And that’s exactly what causes the light to shine through those beautiful, broken pieces. Be blessed my friends, and keep shining your light. #healingjourney #embracethejourney #waiting #tellyourstory #music #liveyourdreams #dontquitnow #brokenpieces #ShineBright