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Right, let's make a killing by selling stray cats to the Caribbean. No? Why not? Well then, let's ship some coal to, wait for it, coal mines, and rake in a ton of profit. Crazy- who me? Actually, we agree, but believe it or not that's exactly how one of early America's most eccentric millionaires got his start. Let's talk about Lord Timothy Dexter. While some tales of his life have likely been embellished over the last 200 years, the core of his story is astoundingly true. Born in 1747, Dexter was an uneducated leatherworker from Massachusetts who, against all odds, amassed a fortune through a series of unbelievably foolish business ventures that somehow turned a massive profit. He once famously shipped warming pans (used to heat beds in the frigid New England winters) to the tropical West Indies. In a stroke of pure, baffling luck, the locals found them to be the perfect ladles for their booming molasses industry and bought every last one. His bizarre luck was only a constant theme. Rivals, hoping to bankrupt him, once advised he "ship coal to Newcastle"- a phrase meaning a useless journey, as Newcastle was a major coal exporter. Dexter did it anyway, but arrived during a massive city-wide miners’ strike and sold his shipment for a premium. He repeated this pattern by buying up enormous quantities of whalebone for next to nothing, only for a sudden shift in Parisian fashion to make it a priceless commodity for corsets, leaving him with a virtual monopoly. It was this ever-growing fortune that gave him the time and confidence to pursue his next great venture: literature. Dexter's greatest monument to his own eccentricity is his self-published memoir, "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones," which he first released in 1802. The book is a rambling, phonetic, and entirely unpunctuated account of his life and complaints. When readers griped about the lack of punctuation, Dexter then released a second edition with a full page of punctuation marks at the end, telling everyone to "peper and soolt it as they please." The sheer chaotic energy of that move feels something ripped straight out of today's more extreme style of humor. This man, who declared himself "the first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher in the Western world," even faked his own funeral to see who would mourn him, only to cane his wife for not appearing sad enough. Timothy Dexter's story is a hilarious and baffling chapter in American history, proving that sometimes the path to success isn't about following the rules, but about being so far outside the box that you burn the box and sell the ashes to a fireman. For more absurd tales from the pages of history, though it may be hard to top this one, make sure you're following to not miss out! #history #americanhistory #weirdhistory #newengland #eccentric #bookstagram #badluck #goodluck #explore #exploremore #fypシ